The puzzeling case of the Metro Sexual..

Modern society here in the West has presented us with many conundrums.

Is there any harder evidence that attest to lower testosterone levels than that modern phenom called Metrosexuals?

These guys are the feminine offshoots of the earlier prototypes known as SNAGS, Sensitive New Age Guys another genetic dead end from the 80s.

Although these modern "Males" claim to be hetrosexual in their sexual orientation they are as at home in a sports bar or beauty parlor..The modern Metrosexual is the driving force behind that modern canine Chimera called the Puggle..Twenty years ago a man would have gotten a beat down just for using the word Puggle!

What is the point?

We now have a army of men who gaze in the mirror and wonder if the slacks they just bought makes their butt look big..

Yikes!! It makes me pine for the good old days when we had real men like Pee Wee Herman..

Get out of our gene pool! Do we really need slacker narcissists who actually think they contribute to a healthy modern society?

Although this androgynous bunch pose no physical threat they are known for their crafty use of the academic, legal and Government systems..In fact they are quite capable of attaining great heights in these "Specialised" fields.(One such example is the President of the U.S.A.)

There is a less celebrated Female version of the Metro Sexual this bizarre creature we call the shemale.

A good example of this condition is a certain Hillary Clinton..(All ways look for the pants suit)

There is some good news..because of the Metro sexual aversion to commitment and responsibility they tend not to reproduce! Hence,we can hope that they go the way of the Shaker who sealed their own fate when that Sect forbade sex.

We at SCtIR as a public service have decided to release the following Q and A. we think it will help those who struggle with a family member who is afflicted with Metro Sexuality.

F.A.Q. Metro Sexuals..

I think my son is a Metro Sexual how can I be sure?

Answer..
Does he have a pink shirt?
Does he sport a breast cancer awareness ribbon pin or magnetic?
Does he drive a Preis?Metro?or other roller skate on wheels?
Did he watch Al Gores movie, an inconvenient truth?
Does he root for a poodle when he watches the A.K.C. competition?
Does he watch the A.K.C. competition?
Did he vote for Obama?


If the answer is yes to any of these questions..I'm sorry but you have a Metro Sexual on your hands.

F.A.Q.
O.M.G.!! My Son is a Metro Sexual! I caught him listening to John Tesh last night!
What do I do?

Answer..
There is no known cure for this affliction at this time.
However there is hope..

Studies show that by not allowing your Metro Sexual access to the t.v. shows Dance with the Stars or American Idle will decrease his proclivity for Metro Sexuality.

This was found by a blind scientific study focusing on Metro Sexual tendencies in lab rats.

F.A.Q.
My Son has a lovely wife who can't have children of her own, so they want to adopt a Oriental Child from China next year.
Do you think he may be a Metro?

Answer..
Yep..he's a metro..Keep him away from soy products.

F.A.Q.
Is there a support group that will help my Metro Sexual loved one?

Answer..

Going to a traditional support group is a sign of Metro Sexuality..
However there have been at least two examples of groups known to cure this heart breaking condition one is the U.S.M.C. and another is the Hells Angels.(Keep him away from the Navy)

We recommend if your loved one shows signs of Metro Sexuality you seek out these groups for assistance immediately!

We hope that we have answered some of your questions on this all to pervasive condition.
Thank you

Bill at SCtIR